


You Were The Sun, I Was The Moon

by myspookyjoshdunchristmas



Series: Ryan Matters To Me [1]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: A fever you can't sweat out, Afycso, Comfort, Depression, Heartbreak, Hurt, Leaving, M/M, Memories, Moon, More tags to be added, Past, Regret, Ryden, Sadness, lonely moonlight, past ryden, pretty odd, sun - Freeform, the present
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myspookyjoshdunchristmas/pseuds/myspookyjoshdunchristmas
Summary: The moon cries when he's all alone in the night. The stars have each other, the planets have each other and the moon has no one.The moon beckons to see the sun, to see him shine, to make him feel safe.Whenever the moon stands in the sky, the sun moves away, shedding light to the other side of the world whilst he stands alone, glowing in the night.The moon cries every night because he knows that he will never see the sun.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write this, my feels are killing me.

 It's another sunny bright day for Ryan as he pulled the covers from over his face and eyes, blinking several times to adjust his eyes to the light surroundings. As much as Ryan loved the sunshine and warmth, he hated the light hitting his moon sized eyes. The male sat up almost instantly to refrain himself from falling back to sleep. It hadn't been long since Ryan got this mojo again. He couldn't afford to fall back into a state again, especially since he was bothering people too much, said people being his mother. Trying and being himself again was the task he set when he made the proposal of sorting his life out and he was going to stay true to it. 

After throwing off the covers, Ryan  took a fairly short shower, threw on some clothes, brushed his teeth and headed off into his kitchen. Before doing anything, he switched on the radio and let the sounds ricochet against the four walls and into his ears.  The man slowly bopped his head as he poured some cereal into a bowl and picked out some flakes, eating them individually. 

 

"So needless to say, I'm odds and ends." He mumbles to an A-ha song with flakes in his mouth, crunching them loudly. 

 

After placing the cereal back on the counter and pouring milk into the bowl, Ryan walked off into his personal music studio and shut the door behind him. 

 

Primarily, music was his best friend, next to his mom, secretly. Despite everything he had gone through, music was the main factor in pulling him out of his miserable state. 

Ryan adored music from such a young age, whether it was with his best friend--

 

Correction.

 

Ex best friend, Spencer. Or when he was three years old jumping around and dancing with his mother. 

He loved the melodies, the sounds and more importantly, the soul in the singers voice because the singer knew how to feel the emotions and empower them into their voice, to deliver a top notch performance. Ryan knows, he's a singer. But also the other members in their band could infuse their emotions into their instruments and to Ryan that was true music.

 

He sat down on his chair and placed his bowl of cereal down. "Hey Dottie--" Ryan cut himself off as he realised his pet dog wasn't here. Dottie was at his mothers house since he was too out of it too look after her. He feels stupid and ashamed to think that he forgot about his dog, his best friend. No doubt he was going to go out today and pick her up. He missed her a lot.

 

|-/ \\-|

 

After munching down his cereal, Ryan played a little in his studio, listening to some songs he made a few months back. They were just instrumental at the moment, nothing special. 

As a short period of time passed, he whizzed on out of his home and got into his car to his moms house. 

Ryan loved driving through Echo Park, admiring the beautiful scenery. The large open waters sparkling greatly, the green trees swaying back and forth against the wind. It was great to be away from everyone that he knew and to just reside in this beautiful place alone. Ryan stopped living with his band mates a long time ago. He misses them but he wanted to be alone, just to not be reminded of the past. 

 

"Hey Dottie!" Ryan yelled as he parked his car by his mothers home and hopped out, arms wide for his best friend. The female dog ran towards him, tongue sticking out with a joyous grin on her face. Ryan wrapped his arms tight around her and laughed as Dottie licked his face repeatedly. "I'm surprised you didn't forget about me. I must have been gone for a long time again." He says smiling at the overjoyed animal, ruffling her beautiful fur and then standing up. 

 

"Ryan honey." His mother coos as she walks out of her house, wearing gardening gloves and holding a watering can. "Hey mom!" He greets, looking up at her, shading his eyes from the bright sun. She walks towards her son, wrapping her arms around him and then letting him go.

 

"How are you darling?" She asked, patting Dottie's head. "I'm good mom, I came back for Dottie, I miss her." He says and smiles. 

 

He loves his mom so much, he appreciates her for everything she's ever done for him. That included protecting him from his alcoholic and abusive father. But he was gone now, he couldn't come back and scold Ryan for being useless. Ryan was content with just him and his mom. He didn't really click with the step siblings, so he left them to be. 

 

As long Dottie was with him in his home, keeping him company, nothing else mattered to Ryan, he didn't feel alone.

 

"How are you doing baby? Are you okay alone? You know you can stay with me for a while." The old woman says, holding her sons hand from across the counter. Ryan gives his mom a smile and says "I'll be just fine mom, you know I'll burden you first when I have a problem." 

His mothers smile fades at the statement and looks adoringly at her son. "You're not a burden Ryan, you never were never a burden, you're my baby boy and you can come by anytime honey, I love you. I just want you to be okay, I don't want to lose you." She says as her voice wavers. Ryan knows he regrets being a bit of an idiot so he squeezes her hand.

 

"You know I'll always come to you first mom, you're my best friend." He says sincerely with a smile. 

 

After a chat and some iced tea, Ryan sat in his car, waving to his mom. He can't help but to feel a weight on his chest. He didn't want to leave her. Ryan wanted to stay because despite everything that happened to him, his mother was always there for him. It's true, he wanted to cry, run into her arms, live with her forever but he was old now, Ryan wasn't six years old. He was an adult. He couldn't always run to her when he had a "boo boo."

 

The male observed her closely and in that moment his mother was young again, staring at her nine year old Ryan who was playing outside with his best friend Spencer. He smiled, seeing that scene unfold in front of him, time changed people. 

 

Dottie panted in the passenger seat,  her tongue dangling from her mouth as she looked from to her right and ahead, also admiring the scenery like her owner. 

 

"I know you're mad at me Dottie, I didn't mean to be gone for so long." Ryan says, focusing on the road. Dottie whimpers and lifts her paw towards Ryan. "You know I'm sorry, I promise it won't happen next time, just me and you right buddy? We'll watch some eighties horror and just chill like good old times right Dottie?" He asked, now looking at his pet as he stopped at a red light. Dottie didn't whimper or bark or pant. She was very silent.

 

"How about an ice cream on me?" A happy bark echoed in the car and Ryan smiled, he got his best friend back. 

 

|-/ \\-|

 

The two walked along a lake, looking at the magnificent glistening of water. It was beautiful, so serene, peaceful and calming but also very lonely. Ryan loved Dottie, he appreciated her, he could talk to her but she was unable to talk back to him. And he missed being able to hear another persons voice besides his mothers.

 

He missed HIS voice but Ryan would never tell anyone. It was too late and too far gone. There was no fixing something that was so old and worn especially when the other person was obviously no longer interested. Ryan knew that by holding on, he was only hurting himself. But he couldn't come to terms with everything. It was all so perfect, so right, so destined that he didn't even realise until it all slipped between his fingers and that hurt because, nothing was going to be the same again. 

 

"What are you thinking about?" He asked Ryan as they sat against their band van, looking into the sky, admiring the sun going down so gracefully. Ryan smiled and didn't move his eyes from the burning light to admire his lovers beauty in the remaining minutes of the day, this moment was just so perfect. 

 

"I'm thinking about how you are the sun. You shine and give warmth to whatever and whoever you see. You are the light, you nourish whatever you touch, you give it life, you coax everything in a protective warmth. When it rains, or when the grey clouds cover the mellow skies, you will always be behind them, letting everyone know that there's bad but behind all of that there is the sunshine. You're my sun because whenever I need you, you're there." Ryan says, now looking over at his lovers face, watching the night creep upon the two leaning against the van.

 

"Then that must make you the moon. You are the glistening white light that shows the lost the way, you are the moon that the wolf howls to because he knows he's not alone. You are the moon that despite every crater and every crack, is still a work of art. You are the moon that beckons for the sun to come closer, the moon that radiates because of the suns light, you are my moon because when I rest my head at night I look up and all I see is you, looking over me, telling me that I'm not alone, I'll never be alone."

 

Ryan smiles at him, then looks back to all the stars. There's so many littering the sky that night, its hard to tell how many.

 

Ryan tells himself that those stars represent the oncoming years and how long he and Brendon are going to be together for.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, comments are appreciated. ^~^


End file.
